The cynics wife theory

Surely if I want to do good things I can find support in my community? Maybe keep a hospital open or save some green belt land? If I try I can get people to come out to support me?
But If I want to do bad things like say polute the environment by building another runway or destroy some green belt by building a huge supermarket? Maybe buy a few more bombs? Well its going to be hard to get people out on the streets then and as a result hard to do bad things.
I still need influence though and because theres few of them they will have to be powerful decision makers.
The best influence to have is of course political. They make the decisions and send in the bulldozers after the so called enquiry has confirmed its a bad thing I want to do. They can even sign the cheques to help me buy the bombs. So the best way to get influence is to buy it and go to the right dinners and meet the right people. Therefore I become a political donor in order to build, polute or deprive in whatever form I choose. This is relatively easy with a party system of politics because they are a team and stick together from the top down.

Hence the Cynics Wife law of politics says that

"The party system by its nature demands that we have leades who work against our wishes"

DO NOT VOTE!

Wednesday, 12 March 2008

I'm a Prat, I'm an MP

Lets break this country into two groups for a moment. First of all there's all of us and for the sake of argument we will call them the taxpayers. Then there's group two who are the government who are also taxpayers as individuals. Now as a group the Government don't have any money at all really. Its all taxpayers money and they just move it around a bit. For example one person has no kids so they take some of their money and give it to someone who has got kids. Because they need it more? Look stop being silly and pay attention that has got nothing to do with it. So back to the government, they also look after the taxpayers assets say things like council buildings, the royal family etc oh and council houses. Well that's all so far so good but they decided to sell them. But who to, well they sold them to the taxpayers. Yes the people who already owned them bought them again. Its OK because its still taxpayers money. But then things get bad and no one has anywhere to live and all the houses have been sold. So here's the clever bit. The government are going to look pretty bad if no one can buy his tiny little bit of England and you know what happens when the people get pissed. (See Theory of politics) So they offer to pay half for essential workers to get on the property ladder. Genius. Essential worker Trans: majority of government employees on low pay and we want to keep it that way They are using our money to prop up the mortgage market and appease ESSENTIAL workers and everyone is happy. Because what happens if no one can climb the ladder. well the people at the top of the ladder can't climb up either. Problem solved
It reminds me of the apple mac adds

"Hello I'm a prat"

"Hello I'm an MP"

"I'd like some help getting on the housing ladder"

"I'm an MP I can help by lending you half the equity till you can afford the rest"

"You mean I get half a house"

"kind of yes"

"Who owns the other half"

"I do"

"Who lends me the equity"

"I do"

"Hang on where are you going to get the money to lend me?"

"I have lots of money, its taxpayers money and the money from selling all those counsel houses to you"

"Hang on so aren't I a taxpayer?"

"Well yes"

"So you sold my house back to me then you are going to use the money that I pay you to lend me half of my own house?"

"EER yes that's right"

"Wow thanks"
Posted by at

No comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)